I posted this on the family blog. I felt that it also belonged here.
If you are looking for some help with dealing with the backtalk of children, I want to take the time to recommend this wonderful book. Backtallk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids. Over the years I have referred to this little gem over and over again. My kids cringe every time they see it. In fact I just found out that Pooker hid the book for a few years. God Bless that child.
So with Lent starting and the desire to be a better parent I decided it was time to read the book again. My biggest issue is remaining consistent. The first week is tough, the second week isn't bad but by the third week I am letting too much slip by. With each read I do grow stronger in my parenting but I wanted to be a better parent with more peace in my home by Easter. I also wanted support as I went through it this time.
I sent out the following invitation to my homeschool group. I knew that to "teach" something you must know it yourself. I was happy to have made a commitment and then setting up three meetings over 21 days I knew that I could be more effective in changing myself.
“Your kids are so good, you should teach a class!”
I have heard that more than one time over the years. I disagree that my kids are “that good” but I have found one book to be extremely helpful with bad behavior. My kids cringe every time they see me pull it out to read, so it works. They know that I get the book out to remind myself how to be a better parent. They don’t always like it because I will be more consistent in my parenting. This in turn changes their behavior.
My kids and I need a refresher. As I sat and started to reread the book, I decided it would be more fun to share the journey. So the title, the work, and the joy of watching our families transform is something we can all enjoy with the support of each other. I will lead a book study and discussion coupled with my personal experience over just 3 meetings. I am hoping that by Easter I will be a better mom, my children will be better children and we will all grow closer to Christ. If you would like to join me on the dates below just email me and let me know so I can find a space that will accommodate us. I strongly recommend this book even if you can’t make the 3 meetings.
Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids
Written by Audrey Ricker And Carolyn Crowder
Step 1: Recognize Backtalk Does it hurt, embarrass, annoy or leave you helpless?
Step 2: Choose appropriate Consequence Have backups ideas on hand—like time out, kneeling, dead horse, chore.
Step 3: Enact the Consequence. You can briefly identify the backtalk, express how it hurt or was inappropriate, state the consequence, put child in place, set up chore, oversee the initiation of Consequence (not the same as a punishment).
Step 4: Disengage I find that this can be the hardest step. Do not engage in conversation about the consequence. Have a “go-to” on hand to change the subject if needed. Say a prayer out loud or start singing a song. It will soon be known that as soon as you disengage there is no use continuing the reaction.
The best part was having friends to share consequence ideas with. So many ideas from some great mothers. I think that we might continue to gather one time a month to offer continued support from like minded moms.
I commend this book with all parents out there. Don't be afraid to do this wrong, just do something. We owe it to our children to parent them. This book gives some wonderful ways in which we can positively parent. If the form of consequences in the book don't work for you, change it up. If the ones I offer don't work for you, change it up. Just do something and be consistent. Your children will thank you for it (they might also hide the book on you) but they will eventually thank you.