I Am Sad Because I Have Found Such Joy In Homeschooling

Friend: "My kids started a "such-in-such" public or private school today.  I think they will thrive, don't you?"  Or "I put the kids into school today. What do you think?"

  Me (the homeschooling mom):   Oh wow, that makes me sad!

Friend: Sad?!?! Who do you think your are to be sad about my decision?

Being an active member in the homeschool community for a long time puts me into a position of leadership.  I don't ask for it, I don't speak it.  Yet newer homeschool families look to success stories to draw from for inspiration.  Over the years I have spent many hours with younger moms, sharing ideas on what works and what doesn't.  Sometimes these families stay the course and join my family as success stories.

At the same time many others may abandon the homeschool lifestyle and send their kids to school.  I find this to be especially true if the kids had been in school before or if just one parent wants to try the homeschool lifestyle.  In rare cases the need for traditional school arises because of the health of a child or of a parent.                                  

Many times these families that decide to go back into the traditional school route are a little lost.  They have spent years developing their homeschool relationships.  Moms that had come to me for advice end up joining my circle and become close friends.  Often I know their children and have spent time in various activities with both the children and the moms.

I suspect that because we have become friends my opinion still matters to these moms.  More often than I like I have been asked for my opinion when I am told that their friends have put their kids into traditional school.  One mom even wanted to remain friends by hiding the truth.  My first reaction is one I hide from most but if we have become close I will really say what I am thinking.  I am always surprised that my response is troublesome to others.

I think homeschooling is the best possible option, that is why I homeschool my kiddos. My first gut feeling is that these moms are choosing the worst option and that makes me sad.  I love homeschooling, I have had wonderful success. I know my children so well because of the adventures we have had.  We have learned together. We have shared the good and bad along the way.  When you tell me that you gave that up it makes me sad.  

"I am Sad!"  If you are my friend, I am sad that you will not have the same joy I have had.  That is all that is meant by that.  I am sad that you and your child will not have the bond that I know with my children.  (That isn't to say you won't bond but it will be different that the one I know.) I am not judging you, I am not condemning you, and I am not mad at you.  We all make different choices for our own reasons.  I wish you and your family all the success and joy in the world. I do not hold anger or distain to you or your kiddos.  In fact I like your kids and will miss seeing them around all the time. I am also sad that our relationship will change and we will have less to share.    

I ask that you understand that I don't want to loose you as a friend but we will grow apart.  We will be in different circles now.  I homeschool, I like that.  I will be spending the majority of my time with homeschool mom. I do not worry about an bad influence on my kids or anything like that, it is just a different world that you are now in.  As I start the official 20th years I can reflect on the many families that have come and then gone on different paths.  God Bless you!  This is the path for me and my family.   

Where to Start

One might be surprised how often I am asked this question.  I will be honest and tell you that it depends on where you are in life.  Pulling a teen out of public middle school is different than pulling a highschooler out of Catholic high school.  Everyone knows that their child is very different and so is each mom trying to learn something new.  There is no one set way to begin.  This post is to focus on mom though.

I think this is pretty universal as far as the needs of each woman deciding to homeschool their kids.  Actually this is crucial for all of us especially stay at home moms.   We need to find your passion or what you enjoy and then find like minded women who share that passion.  Humans are social creatures.  We learn and feed off of each other.  We will benefit from social time.  Our need for social time with like minded peers begins with our girlfriends when we are very young and it doesn't go away when we get married.  Sure our hubby is our best friend but all girls know that you sometimes get mad at your best friend.

The first step in homeschooling, even if you are thinking about maybe homeschooling your current newborn 5 years from now, is to find a support group.  You might have to create one.   I have discovered that for Catholics it is crucial to build a Catholic homeschooling group or to create one.  (Catholic friends that have gone to other groups mostly non denominational but Christian have had their children decide to abandon their beliefs in young adulthood.)  There is nothing better than the Catholic support.  Build your faith and your child's faith while at the same time creating a community within a community of like minded people.  The risk is that sometimes you will run into the "supercatholic" that tends to bash anything and everything of the world.  It is better to find balance with someone over doing it than it is to maintain your beliefs with others that are out to safe you from those beliefs.  Don't ever loose focus on the goal being Heaven and the path being the Catholic Church, homeschooling can help in finding that path.  I think that like minded peers is more important for mom than it is for the kids.  The students can play with siblings but mom must have support.  If it doesn't exist in your area create it and visit others in near towns via the internet and yahoo groups.

I was recently asked where to begin by a new mom to the stay at home world and one who wants to later being a homeschooling family as well.   My advice to find friends that are also on this path.  You can help each other.  They will keep you sane.

These are a few of my friends.  The picture taken a few years back.  We now try to meet each week for Coffee and a study of our faith.  Yes we mostly discuss our lives but it helps so much that we have each other.