Sometimes just reminding yourself that you are the mom, the one in charge, can bring you peace. I love my kiddos and I find them to be very insightful. They know what they like to study. They are also very aware of their own strengths and weaknesses. I pride myself in listening to them. Over the years I have tried to cater to their needs and desires more that that old preconceived notion of the school year that I created when I was in college learning how to teach. So to be fair my kids have actively shaped their education and at times it has been too much and at other times it has been lacking. I believe that in the end Pooker is doing well in college after finder her groove and I suspect the others will when their time comes. After years of worrying about getting it all in I have settled down to realize that I want to enjoy the process more and worry less.
This summer has been a little difficult. As my oldest establishes herself while growing into an independent woman there are some growing pains. One of those pains is her pointing out my faults. This is not deliberate or vindictive just part of it. I watch her grow closer to her boyfriend and his family and they will blend the best of both worlds to some day create their own, God willing. Seeing what she will throw out from her side and take from his can be hard to watch if you over analyze it. (OK I admit that I have wasted way too much time thinking about it all.)
Last night I sat with two girlfriends discussing our approach for the upcoming school year. They are both looking forward and I was expressing a little dread and doubt in what I wanted to do. Then I was so lovingly reminded by these ladies that I have great kids. Even if Pooker is seeing a gap that doesn't mean there is one. These children were given to me for a reason. They are my path to heaven and in that same respect I am part of their path as well. God linked us for the greater good. My choices are the right ones for these guys.
Many times over the years I have listened to others tell me their choices for their families. I have held my tongue while thinking, "That sounds horrible, how can they even think about doing that?" Only to observe the situation over time and see that it was in fact the right choice for that family. It would not have been right for my family but it was for them. I trust that in these situations and need to also trust that in my situation. Oh the PEACE that has again entered my heart and the JOY I am having as I prepare for this school year. I know that I am not perfect but what I am offering my students is prayed about and I need to trust that outcome, I need to trust my outcome, God does. I am the mom, I get to make the choices.
So to help you as you prepare to begin your school year. Trust yourself. Don't care too much about what your best friend is doing. Don't worry too much about what your mother-in-law says you are doing wrong. Don't worry about too much time on what your son wants to study. Don't questions yourself. Trust that God made you the mom for a reason, you got it under control. You are the mom!